Feeling My Limits

This week is a new week. I am breathing more deeply. I am cooking. I bought a new planner. The weather is windy and on the verge of stormy. Yellow blossoms are climbing the hills. California poppies, the color of golden afternoon concentrated and glowing, pepper strips of gardens along the sidewalk. Eden doesn't need diapers during the day. Silas is 4.

After hemming and hawing, I decided not to travel east this week, after all. The decision felt all ways -- heart-breaking and life-giving together. I miss, already, Washington stretching into 70 degree warmth; streets lined with cherry blossoms, a lacy fairyland; walking with my mom under branches raining petals; eating the Tuesday special sandwich from Bradley Food & Bev.; a trip home. And flying for my birthday to New York -- picnics at the park, late night glasses of wine, cousin bliss --

But the decision to slow down for a while was right and needed. So I'm settling into the cloudy moony night, grateful to be home waiting for a baby boy's birth, for Good Friday quiet. Saturday my sister will come and help us tuck eggs into buckets and bushes on the deck. And Sunday, we'll all celebrate the brightest day of the year.

Exhaustion (a week of the potty)

Monday Eden decided she would start using toilet, all day. In Trader Joe's. At music class. At Silas's school. I couldn't find my potty training book; I had no prizes or stickers; I had no interest in taking a newly potty-trained child to New York for a week (we travel east on Wednesday), and apparently none of that mattered -- she was ready. So, it's been a week of M&M's, cheering, singing, buying rainbow undies, and racing to bathrooms everywhere.

I forgot how exhausting this process is, how much of my brain is dominated, how much energy goes into paying such constant attention.

I appear to be in a general state of overwhelm. Everything seems loud and to have huge needs. Needs that are constant. Needs that involve heavy lifting, and running to bathrooms everywhere (including a massage place that had a fountain with colored lights and a smoke machine in the little foyer -- it was the only open store in the strip mall we were driving past).

I can't quite get my wits about me. I'm foggy and the simplest tasks feel mountainous. Ben's been traveling this week, and I've taken the kids out to eat a lot -- desperation dining is the way I'm thinking about it. Yesterday I took them to Carl's Jr. for lunch. I don't eat at Carl's Jr. but we were driving, and there was one, so we went. And $5.75 later, we were sitting on tall red stools eating hamburgers, cheeseburgers and fries that I didn't have to make.

There have been many things: I drove to the library to return books yesterday without the books. I went shopping to get Silas a birthday present from my mom because her package hadn't come and later that night found her package that had come days earlier that I'd hidden. I put the hazard lights on and got out of my car WITHOUT PUTTING THE CAR IN PARK, so Eden and the car started rolling toward all the used boats and strollers for sale in the parking lot while I grabbed the door and tried to fish my leg around until I hit the brake. Very gracefully, I'm sure.

I'm pretty sure if someone did a study on exhaustion and madness, they would look about the same. Fortunately, Ben is home tonight and tomorrow is Friday. I am inching my way along til then, while Eden puts cat and star stickers on the wall and happily munches M&Ms.

Silas and the Synthesizer

The week of Zack's wedding, we had a synthesizer in the living room for a few days.
It was as if Silas had just been waiting for a beat to match his moves.
Eden less so.



(hopefully this works -- my first video uploaded here)

Silas is 4

Silas's birthday falls in March, the month when southern California is green and blooming, and the wind makes the snow-capped mountains clear. We are still in the years when Silas's birthday party can be a party filled with family friends, and standing together in the sun having second breakfast while the kids run around magically making kites fly in a windless sky made for a sweet morning. Silas asked for a Candyland party for his 4th, so we wore bright colors, used bright frosting, decorated cookie-men with gumdrops and licorice, and sucked on lollipops.
It took Silas hours to fall asleep the night before his party -- the first birthday he has really anticipated. When I went in and checked on him for the 9th time, he was sitting straight up in bed singing (while Eden snoozed in the bunk above).
Silas and his friend racing with their kites, while Eden was "stuck" in the tallish grass.

Jimi Cake Friday

Friday mornings have become Jimi Cake Fridays. At 7:15 we pull up to our friends' house, and the pancakes are already coming off the pan hot and stacked with a slim pat of butter between each one. Jimi Cakes are thin, almost crepe-like, pancakes, made with extra buttermilk and perfectly browned.

This Friday tradition has inspired me to try a couple of oatmeal pancake recipes I've been wanting to make. A month or so ago, Molly Wizenberg, one of my favorites, posted a recipe on her blog. Her oatmeal pancakes are some of the best pancakes I've ever had -- they really are little cakes in the pan, slightly sweet, buttery, with a soft oat-y texture -- delicious.


Molly's Oatmeal Pancakes

2 cups rolled oats
2 cups buttermilk
½ cup all-purpose flour
2 Tbsp. sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
½ tsp. table salt
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted but not hot
Vegetable oil or spray, for greasing the pan
Maple syrup, for serving

The night before:
Combine the oats and buttermilk in a medium bowl. Stir to mix. Cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate overnight.

The morning of:
Take the bowl of buttermilk and oats out of the fridge. Set aside.

In another medium bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

Add the eggs and melted butter to the oat mixture, and stir well. Add the flour mixture, and stir to blend. The batter will be very thick.

Warm a large nonstick skillet or griddle over medium-high heat, and brush (or spray) with vegetable oil. To make sure it’s hot enough, wet your fingers under the tap and sprinkle a few droplets of water onto the pan. If they sizzle, it’s ready. Scoop the batter, about a scant ¼ cup at a time, onto the pan, taking care not to crowd them. When the underside is nicely browned and the top looks set around the edges, flip the pancakes. Cook until the second side has browned.

Re-grease the skillet, and repeat with more batter. If you find that the pancakes are browning too quickly, dial the heat back to medium.

Serve hot, with maple syrup.

Yield: about 12 pancakes, or 3 to 4 servings

When I lived in Atlanta during college, one of my favorite breakfast spots was The Flying Biscuit Cafe. I can't even remember their oatmeal pancakes now, but I remember always ordering them because they were a perfect morning comfort food, warm porridge cakes with syrup.

I've made them twice now, and will make them again. A bit less rich than Molly's, they still satisfy the appetite for a slightly sweet, hearty (not heavy) morning bite. Oatmeal pancakes are simply a cozy food, and I like that they kick the pancake into a healthier gear -- adding pecans or walnuts, wheatgerm, or blueberries would all work well with these. And a little coconut or chocolate wouldn't hurt either.

The Flying Biscuit Oatmeal Pancakes
Ingredients:

• 2 cups organic rolled oats
• 2 cups nonfat buttermilk
• 2 large eggs, lightly beaten
• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• Canola oil for griddle

Combine oats and buttermilk in a large bowl. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours, or overnight. Add eggs and melted butter to oat mixture. Sift together flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. Add to oat mixture. Preheat griddle. Spread out batter with the back of the ladle. When bubbles appear, gently flip cakes and cook until golden brown, about 5 minutes per side. Serve hot. This recipe make about 20 pancakes, serving 6-8 people.

My Dad's Granola

For as long as I can remember, my dad's had a yellow recipe box.
It's french's mustard-yellow plastic and holds 3x5 cards,
relatively few, really, considering it's been his box for 30-some years.
The recipes include the ever-guarded Moyer eggnog and dated revisions,
a crab quiche from his bachelor years living in The Glass House,
sangria, SOS, key lime pie, and a recipe for granola. The granola recipe
surfaced sometime in the last decade. I don't know where it came from,
but since it's one of the five things my father cooks and loves,
I figured I'd try it.

The biggest difference between this one and the one I've been making
is the butter. Once you combine melted butter and honey,
you have something near perfection and teetering on dessert.
Eating this granola feels a bit more like eating the top off of a cobbler,
which, of course, is delicious.

Here is the recipe in its true form. I substituted a lot to use what I had.
The beauty of granola is that nearly anything works. Enjoy*

Homer's Granola

2 c rolled oats (I used quick -- makes a crumblier granola, less ideal)
3/4 c unsweetened coconut (I only had sweetened and then used less honey/syrup)
1 and 1/4 c nuts and seeds (I used sliced almonds, walnuts, pecans, pine nuts)
recipe calls for 1/4 c sesame seeds
1/4 c slivered blanched almonds
1/4 c whole hazelnuts, peeled or unpeeled
1/4 c raw pumpkin seeds
1/4 c cashew halves
1/4 c + 1 T unsalted butter
1/4 c honey
1/4 c maple syrup (I only used honey)

-preheat oven to 300
-melt butter, add honey and syrup, pull off heat once simmers, set aside
(I melted butter in microwave)
-in large bowl combine oats, coc0nut, nuts
-combine butter mixture and oats mixture
-spread thinly onto sheet pans lined with parchment or onto buttered pans (I used plain pan)
-bake at 300 20-30+ minutes, stirring every 5-10 minutes to ensure even browning
-let cool on rack, store, label, date

voila!

Trying again for the two together (a little more successful than the last attempt)