On Saturday morning I woke up in a funk. Or I should say Friday night I went to bed in a funk and several times I woke up during the night wondering if the weight had lifted. It hadn't. So early Saturday morning, I peeled myself out of bed, tied on my sneakers and walked. The sky was overcast and the light still dim. It was early.
Slowly, the sun burned through in one blazing patch of clouds and the sunrise began. I kept walking. I didn't notice the colors or even the way the light caught on the clouds; I felt small and shadowy and not quite sure if I was fit to interact at all with people around me, especially Silas, Eden or Ben; I hadn't been the day before. What finally caught my attention were the rays that reached out from the sun and stretched all the way above me. Every time I looked up, they were still there, perfectly defined. I kept trying mentally to work myself into the day, but the enormity of this sunrise was distracting -- the rays!
After an hour of this sky, of the rays perfectly visible, I told Silas, who had joined me, that this sky was relentless, looked at it again and realized the word was unrelenting -- determination behind it, a refusal to stop giving in the face of my mucky regrets, a beauty that refused to stop pouring over us. And I knew I was loved, despite any despite I could think of.
(and we had a great day. I was loved).