The weather has warmed to 40's and 50's but is damp, so that cold still soaks through the clothes. And March wind whips before the month changes. Along the ground, bulbs break out. They stand mostly as green speared leaves, but finger-sized crocuses crop up in clusters along bush lines.
Winter is giving way.
Green dots the ground.
Today I spoke with a friend who listens well. She heard me say "had" a lot: I had to let Maeve nap in the car; I had to drive Eden; I had to haul Maeve's heavy body all over the playground; I had to get up four times in the night; I had to throw routine out and leave Maeve home.
My eyes sting with tired. My body is weary.
What, she challenged, would change if I said "get" instead of "had"?
I get to leave Maeve with a babysitter. I get to take Eden to school. I get to feed Maeve and hold her soft head in the night. I get to soothe Eden when she wakes up. I get to care for incessant baby-needs one more time. Get to.
The low grey skies are breaking into high windy clouds.
The frozen ground slips with mud.
Crocuses open purple.
I could do this, too, receive change, get to...