She, a couple other friends and I have been reading eat pray love, which has, of course, sparked many fantasies about our childless, city-winding, island-exploring parallel lives. Gazing at my "other lives" for too long is one thing that can turn my days a dull graphite grey.
Today, though, Annemarie sent this and, once again, I live in Costa Mesa (where there is sunlight and Spring-green peeking out on the hills):
since i have shared the kid-free fantasy with you all, i should also share the kid-present reality...which was that last night i went up to feed claire around 10, and after she ate she just fell asleep on my shoulder. she was so warm and cuddly and smelled like baby soap and milk and i just sat there and thought my heart was going to explode listening to her breathe.
this was after an evening where maddie and i spent an hour (after claire went down) making bead necklaces by the fire, in which she looked at me and said "it's fun to have the fire on" and then "you know what? i love you"
SOOOO. despite the lack of sleep and the lack of world traveling, I do want the life I have. and I don't think i actually would have enjoyed an ashram. I felt God as clearly as any "blue light" in that rocking chair last night.