When Ben and I were planning our wedding, I was 22, had only ever been to one wedding before (a cousin's when I was in jr. high), none of my friends was married, and I was very much feeling out who in the world I was and where my own edges were. What a different wedding it would be if we were to throw it now as adults with a grounded sense of who we are.
My brother Eli's wedding is this coming Saturday. Silas, Ben and I fly out on Thursday for a hoopla weekend. Eli (who is 27) seems to have a laser-sharp vision of what he wants: he has already emailed a schedule for the wedding week with nearly every hour accounted for for 4 days, including tunes and words to hymns that will be sung and a revised wedding week schedule! Though I will miss some of the really fun ideas (barn dance and roller skating party anyone??) it will be fun to see what they've created...
He asked me the other day if I remember the week leading up to our wedding, and as I reached into the recesses of my mind I realized no, not at all. Later that night I asked Ben the same thing and he didn't remember that week either -- we each just have a few details here and there (none of which overlap). Funny to live and hover in such an expectant state with so much emotion/anticipation/anxiety only to be unable to recall it later. I think I spend a lot of time like this -- deliberating and weighing decisions that will simply play out.
As I approach change once again, I want to remember to hold loosely, to allow for time to run its course, to watch and see... Wouldn't that be nice?