Babies Gone

{one of the entries I mentioned in the previous post}

It's funny, when Annemarie and Greg were here, I must have made a dozen comments (an hour?) about how glad I was not to have a one year old, to be out of the baby woods, to be in the land of children and non-nappers.  But almost immediately after they left, I was overwhelmed with the desire for a roly- poly dumpling just learning language.  It took me a couple of days to realize that more than wanting a third baby (though some days I do), I'm mourning the end of this stage of life -- babies, somehow, are gone, and kids have taken their place.

A few weeks ago we visited my sister in Catalina.  Silas threw up on the boat (as usual) and then came down with a high fever (not usual).  So I spent most of the day in KJ's room  with Silas, doling out tylenol and taking his temperature, while Ben, Eden, and KJ hiked to the top of the peak and held all sorts of sea creatures in the touch tank.  At one point when I was sitting outside KJ's room while Silas slept, Eden and KJ drove by me in a john deere min-truck and Eden just waved.  I think these are the moments that crush you, sometimes.

On the ferry boat home, though, Eden fell asleep in my arms.  And when I looked down at her, what I saw was still baby.

  
So for now, I'm holding on to that.