In first grade, bastardized Christmas carols are hilariously clever.
They are fresh, unexpected, a little naughty. I remember thinking this, that though Robin's laying an egg was a strange image, and nothing ended well -- bat mobile lost a wheel, Joker got away -- we singers certainly knew funny, and how worldly to bring batman into things. And the three kings trying to smoke a rubber cigar -- funny, right? -- a rubber cigar that somehow exploded so we kings were ON yonder star rather than following it -- good one.
Well, this season (which should be well over), Silas has joined the ranks of such singers. It's hard to say if his are the current versions sweeping six year olds across the nation or if some lyrics have been mashed in the broad game of song-telephone, but this is what he sings:
Jingle bells, Batman smells
Robin laid a gun
Shot a tree and made it pee (or sneeze if parents are listening)
We three kings of Orient are
trying so hard to smoke a cigar
the gun was loaded, we exploded
that was the end of us.
Poor Batman plays the same role, but why so many guns, why couldn't Robin stick with that uncomfortable egg? Why a peeing tree, and why is 1981 named like the olden days? What's with the real tobacco, and an unexpected loaded gun accompanying the inept smokers? And now the kings are ended rather than just hurled to a nearby star? Well, merry christmas!
In this house, despite being nearly two weeks into January, the three kings song won't stop. Silas makes up a new version with every action: Listen, Mom, listen to this song I just made up: we three kings of orient are, making pancakes in the kitchen, they exploded like TNT, that was the end of us.
It may be the end of us.